Spying on your teenager? Not the best of ideas. As parents, we supposedly strive to make sure our children go from birth to adulthood with as few complications as possible. In doing that, we command and demand obedience and conformity. Once a child has turned into a teenager, whatever you have instilled in them to that point is the information they will resource for an example during this test of teenage years.
Children learn what they live. Ever read that poem? If you have raised a child with a behavior to do wrong or make bad decisions, you will probably be struggling for a while. It is said a child’s basic moral structure and nature are formed by age 5. If you are spying on your teenager, then what did you instill in them before they got to this point? A relationship of mistrust or the possibility of decisions that could harm them.
A parent can’t stop a teenager from experimenting or checking out things. They can give them a background to not succumb to peer pressure and to trust the parents, even if just a little. If a good relationship is developed with parents from early on, kids are less likely to hide things. They will more often than not, run stuff by parents, looking for advice.
Spying on your teenager can have many negative results. If you are doing this, you may want to reconsider, depending on your choices of potential outcomes. As a result of spying on your teenager, you will instantly create a wall of non-communication with them. If they are involved in some sort of bad behavior and you find out, what will be your reaction? With their minds already clogged with hormones, putting them on the defensive is not going to solve the problem or make you any closer. If you attack them and pull the parent card, they will withdraw.
Another negative result of spying on your teenager is, sometimes if caught, they only dig in deeper, hide things elsewhere, become more creative in their game. This still doesn’t fix anything or help your child any at all. This will only make them pull away farther from the family.
This is a practice that needs to be abolished as parents have every right to be protective of their child’s welfare but within a set limit as doing anything in excess will make your parental love seem like bondage to him and he will start treating you with contempt. On a lighter note, you can keep track on phones as they get lost or stolen all the time and you can take help from https://spyphonetools.com/how-to/how-to-locate-a-lost-cell-phone-that-is-turned-off/.
Teenagers are tough cookies. They are sprouting their own wings and want to feel grown up. Spying on them makes them feel like you still don’t think they are responsible enough to make some decisions on their own. The rebellion that can result from spying becoming a war, really not worth it to me. Some rebellion is normal, but not a full scale battle all the time.
My youngest daughter and I had a brief episode of this when she was 15. Due to divorce and other things, my skills as a parent were on overload. I went through searching and spying on her. I monitored everything. It totally backfired on me. She went further away from me and from our mother/daughter relationship. It took me several years to repair the damage of mistrusting her and not just being real with her. The process of going through her purse, her clothes and trying to oversee her actions took its toll on both of us.
After I came to realize, when you raise your children, you have to trust you have done a good job. If you didn’t, you will never have any peace in they way they act, whether teenager or 40 yrs. old. If you have given them proper tools to be adults, proper direction and the ability to take responsibility when they get older, you don’t have to spy on them. You have to have faith in the job you have done. You have to give them some room to learn and grow.
Spying won’t make them a better adult. It will only rob all parties of valuable time together and the potential for a relationship that is trusting and confident. This type of relationship with your teenager is going to give you many opportunities to offer advice and support vs a totally negative life with your precious offspring. On the other hand, spying only keeps bad feelings and mistrust in the forefront. This isn’t the end result good parents want. They want to be close to their growing adults and to be available for advice and for guidance to them.